What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
