Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
