i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
