I only kidnapped one of them. chill
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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