i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
