I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
