you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
