yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
