I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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