beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
