So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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