I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
is that a dick in a sweater?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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