Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize