Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
