I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
