you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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