we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
