What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize