I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just want to make out with him forever
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
