dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Success! We fucked roommates!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize