Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
