I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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