what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
