I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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