My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
