there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Be still, my beating vagina.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
