I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
