Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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