I am in a vortex of obligation.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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