You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
