we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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