Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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