I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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