so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
