He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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