I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
