Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
