So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
