Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
