If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
