i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
