Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
