you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize