I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
