Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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