i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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