I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Randomize
