hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
