i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize