How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize