Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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