Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
