I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
