Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Vodka?
Forever.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
