I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
