my room smells like sperm. sweet.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You are the jesus of drinking
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize