with your own penis?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
