She is in my trunk
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
nutella sex= disaster
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
