I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
