getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
