I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
