There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Randomize