im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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