I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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