my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
