weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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