i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
