Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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