Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
The Olympian is in my bed
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
