That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
