Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
