I have demons in me.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Randomize
