I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
