So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
