If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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